As some may recall, I took a number of online beer knowledge tests a while back. While that was thoroughly enjoyable, I wanted to try my hand at making a beer test of my own. But this one is more about testing personality. And it’s entirely for fun.
So, without further ado:
What Beer Time Period Are You?
1. Who do you expect to brew your beer?
b) Monks or alewives
c) Plucky tradesmen
d) Macrobreweries or hip entrepreneurs
2. What are the dominant flavours in your beer?
a) Figs, dates, honey…
b) Smoky malt, supplemented with herbs like bog myrtle, rosemary, and sweet yarrow
c) Richly roasted malts: caramels, coffees, burnt grain
d) Depends. Sometimes intensely vibrant pine/citrus (Pacific Northwest hops, natch); sometimes Thai basil; sometimes boozy bourbon and vanilla. My palate cannot be constrained.
3. What do you drink your beer from?
a) Clay vessels, with a straw for getting past the floating grain husks
b) Probably a shallow wooden bowl or cup.
c) Pewter/stoneware mugs, though those brown glass bottles are pretty fancy.
d) A bottle, a can, or a clear glass appropriate to the style.
4. Who drinks beer?
c) Almost everyone (small beer for women and children)
d) A wide-cross section of society, assuming they’ve reached legal drinking age.
5. What is your view on hops?
b) Why use hops when you can use gruit??
c) They’re great for shipping beer to the colonies!
d) Used appropriately, they’re great, but over-hopped beers are getting a little passé, IMHO.
6. What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to beer?
a) Choking on a barley husk.
b) When you’re trying to roast your malt over an open fire, and it heats unevenly so half is burnt and half is barely singed.
c) When Temperance advocates try to guilt you about it—beer isn’t whisky, you know?
d) When your favourite microbrewery gets acquired by a huge conglomerate and the quality tanks.
7. And finally, your favourite thing about beer?
a) It’s a divine gift from the gods, forming the basis of our civilization.
b) When you’re doing a bread-and-water fast, beer totally counts (grains, water, yeast, amirite?)
c) It’s a fortifying, nutritious drink with pleasurable side-effects.
d) There is endless opportunity for creativity and fine craft, and it’s fun to try new styles with friends.
You are Mesopotamian/Sumerian Brewing! Starting from around 3500 BCE, your beer is a gift from the gods. As such, most of your beer is brewed by priestesses—particularly of the goddess Ninkasi. Thick and porridge-like, your beer is flavoured with honey and fruits, and drunk through straws!
You are Medieval Brewing! Your beer is still largely a cottage industry: for the most part, it’s made by women, though plenty of monasteries have gotten into the act, too. The spent grains get filtered out, so your beer isn’t nearly as thick as it was millennia ago. Some Germanic countries are using hops to flavour their beer, but gruit—a mix of different herbs—is your beer’s defining feature!
You are Victorian Brewing! You’re quite content to use hops—you know that they help prevent beer spoiling, which is useful in the interconnected trade network developing across the globe. Some of your most popular styles include brown ales and porters, though pale ales are gaining traction. Beer is still an important part of people’s daily diet…though Temperance advocates are starting promoting abstinence from alcohol.
You are Modern Brewing! You have so much variety in your beers! Proliferating craft breweries are keen to explore unique flavour profiles and take risks, focusing on quality ingredients and top-notch craft. People of all backgrounds enjoy your beers (assuming they’re of legal drinking age) and with new microbreweries opening constantly, it’s a safe bet they’ll never get bored.
To Queen and Country!